


what his heart desires so.

by lucielwrites



Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: Angst, M/M, yikes this is emotional
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-18
Updated: 2017-03-18
Packaged: 2018-10-07 03:38:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,216
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10351464
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lucielwrites/pseuds/lucielwrites
Summary: There's a sword at his throat, and Ciel knows he's done for in more ways than one.(Alternatively, Ciel and Alois have a sword fight, which leads to more emotions than one would think.)





	

The sound of cold metal slashing through the air with force is the only thing Ciel is focused on. He can feel his muscles growing sore with every twist of his body, his heart beating fast with every strike of his sword. 

He does not let his mind fret over that, though. He simply cannot. 

He jabs and slashes with every chance he gets, twists and turns to get something of an advantage out of his opponent. It doesn't work. It never does. No matter what Ciel pulls, Alois will always be expecting it. 

Ciel clenches his jaw at his opponent's name. He has to focus, not muse at a time like this. Names make everything so much more familiar, so much more memorable. Ciel will not remember that name, nor will his heart sting with memories every time he hears it. That man is nothing more than his opponent, another mere bloodstain on a silver sword. 

He is certainly not the brilliant and sadistic Earl Alois Trancy, with icy blue eyes and snow-like hair. No, he is merely another pawn in Ciel's way, one who shall soon be removed. 

Ciel can hear his opponent laugh, he can hear the sharp intakes of breath. He can hear the sounds of swords and footsteps and Ciel commands himself to focus on that, focus of the sounds of battle and nothing else. 

Ciel can ill afford his mind to wonder in such a state. 

Yet, it seems that all Ciel can do is just that. 

Alois Trancy, his minds wonders. Ciel tries, tries so damn hard to forget about the seemingly sparkling twisted boy who stands in his path, the boy he knows so damn well. Alas, it is for nothing, because that devious devil is all Ciel keeps wondering back to. 

Ciel is knocked back another sharp turn and twist by his opponent, and is forced out of his thoughts. His jaw clenches and his next move is, unbelievably sloppy. His opponent smirks at this, and twists and turns again, all the same. They both repeat this move, almost in a trance as they dance their little song of death with their blades cutting sharply through the air. 

Ciel is losing. He's fighting so damn hard, continuedly thinking of ways to threaten and destroy his opponent, and yet, Ciel is still losing. He can feel himself become desperate in the way he hacks and slashes at the young man before him, and Ciel knows he's losing in more than one way when he sees his opponent's smile and he falters. 

Ciel Phantomhive does not falter. Ciel Phantomhive is arrogant and prideful and secure about every single damn decision he's made, and he certainly does not falter. Ciel Phantomhive cannot falter. 

Yet, it is clear as day in his eyes, in the way he moves. Ciel Phantomhive is faltering and he is faltering bad. 

Ciel's knocked back by the brute force of his opponent and ends up against a wall, pinned with nowhere else to go. His sword lies on the ground discarded, and there's no way Ciel can win. 

And then there's a sword at his throat. 

Alois, at the other end of the sword that is a millimeter away from Ciel's throat, looks at Ciel with a glint is his eye that Ciel can't place. There's no other emotion on Alois's face other than this glint and Ciel takes in his face, for what he thinks will be the final time. 

The sword inches closer to his throat, and Ciel barely manages to speak. 

"Alois." Ciel breathes out, and his eyes flutter and shut as he begins to feel the point of the sword on his neck. Alois is unusually quiet for once, and it is bittersweet, that Ciel doesn't get to hear the voice of the man he loves for the last time. 

The sword crashes onto the ground, forcing Ciel to open his eyes. Alois stands there, his fists balled as he looks downwards. Neither of the two move as the tension in the air grows thicker and stronger with every passing minute. Ciel stands against the wall quietly, looking shocked. Alois is still standing with his fists balled, shaking in what Ciel thinks is anger, although he isn't quite sure. Ciel isn't sure of anything when it comes to Alois. 

Ciel can't breathe, his mind is overflowing with too much and it's evident in his eyes, widened by raw terror, that he is struggling so damn hard, and there's nothing either boy can do about it, while Alois is being consumed by his thoughts and his actions, and the difference in both, and he's drowning in all these what ifs and maybes, just as Ciel is, and neither boy is used to so much open emotion. 

Emotions have never been Ciel's strong point, and Alois is just so beyond them, that neither boy knows what to do. There is so much they both want to convey to one another, but the words are jumbled and floating around and neither of them can just calm down. 

"Ciel, what was I thinking? I almost killed you! I'm sorr-" Alois shouts, the words tumbling from his mouth without him even thinking.   
"Alois, I never should have start this little fight! What if you had gotten hurt? I'm sorr-" Ciel yells at the same time as his former opponent, trying to form a somewhat coherent sentence. 

They both stop their sudden shouts as they realize the other boy was trying to talk, and very suddenly the room is filled with an emotion Ciel nor Alois can place, so thick that both boys feel as if they'll suffocate. 

Ciel locked eyes with Alois, as his mind starts to quieten down and his heart starts to race. His emotions don't seem as big and scary as before, and Ciel feels such a fierce urge to do something, to act on impulse. Alois whispers Ciel's name for what he fears may be the final time, and Ciel acts. 

He moves forward and suddenly, Ciel Phantomhive is kissing Alois Trancy, the man he oh so dearly loves, and Ciel can feel the way his heart jumps and beats frantically in his chest, even though he doesn't feel panicked in the slightest. 

Ciel should be fuming with unrivaled anger at the mere sight of Alois, Ciel should hate him so much that it burns, Ciel should want to kill him over and over again. Ciel should yell and scream and hit the boy, yet Ciel wants none of that. 

No, no, Ciel has never wanted that, nor will he. Ciel wants to play chess with Trancy, and show him around the garden, and drink tea with him, and share memories with him. For a brief moment, Ciel almost wishes they did hate each other, because it would all too easy. 

No longer would they have to plot around like this, pretending they hate each other so, scheming and keep dark secrets, all while trying to hide their own true feelings. It is truly tiresome so, and Ciel just wishes to be done with it. 

 

Ciel wishes he met Alois in a different timeline, a different world, so that he is free to be selfish and love him as his heart desires so.


End file.
